Shhhh

Silence is golden.
Or so they say.

I suppose it can be good at times. You know, those times where you really shouldn't say what you're thinking. Orrrrrr, when your kids have been whiney/clingy/crying/bratty ALL day long. Yeah, I'd say silence is definitely GOLDEN then! A precious, and rare luxury.

There are also times where silence can be down right painful. For instance, when you aren't exactly getting along with your spouse. Now, sometimes you just want the other person to STOP talking, so yeah, there's a point where silence is golden. But when there is a problem, or tension that one of you would like to speak about, yet the other person really has no interest...it is painful. Obviously I'm not saying it is physically painful. Being quiet never gave anyone an aneurism. Wait...I'm not actually sure about that. (note - further research should be done on aneurism. - also, thank you spellcheck!)

That awkward time where you want to speak, but you aren't sure what to say. You wish that all the correct words could just come pouring out of you at once. Sans all the crazy emotions that tend to come with that sort of buildup. Y'know, you just get to talking about something and next thing ya know the water works are flowing, your voice is raising, probably a few four letter words here and there. Yeah, that's what silence can help avoid. But you feel deeply that things need to be spoken about. You want to touch and be touched. Kissed and cuddled, get things hot and heavy, move past it all and just be one. As husband and wife are meant to be. You can't just go for it, for fear of rejection. That's one of the worst things a person can really feel. Rejection from a loved one. (note- rejection comes in many forms, this should be discussed on another day.)

So, what are you suppose to really do? Just sit and wait? Do you know how hard it is to walk past someone a million times with a thousand and seven things running through your head?!! Especially for someone who is a natural "chatty cathy". It is hard to just sit and wait. But to poke around, refusing to give in to the mutely requested silence will cause bigger problems. If someone doesn't wish to speak to you, you kinda have to just let it be. After all, if the tables were reversed, you would appreciate the same. You have to give what you want to receive.

That seems to be a task I'm struggling with also. Through the past few weeks, I've realized a lot about myself. There is definitely work that needs to be done. I have to realize that people are going to do what they want regardless. Don't take everything so personal, learn to let go, speak with grace and meaning, develop a filter, say what you mean and only what you mean - nothing else. The list is a mile long, really.  What I can say is that as long as I do not give up, and I just continue checking things off my self to-do list; I will continue to grow as a person. Not only as a person but as a mother, wife, friend, sister...nothing bad will come from it.

So for now, my first challenge is to just embrace the silence. No matter how awkward it may feel. Maybe there is a reason for it, hopefully it brings some positivity in this rocky situation. Thoughts should not be wasted. I'd say silence isn't golden. Maybe bronze or silver because at times it is more than uncomfortable (unless we are speaking about children. In that case 9 times out of 10, it is GOLDEN!)

Yeah - Silence... It is silver, sometimes bronze...

Desperate times.

A glass of red on one side of me, a baby on the other, and an empty screen right in front. Considering I'm not exactly in the best of moods, this could turn out to be dangerous. Maybe not, who knows. Let's just see....


Being married is HARD! Thinking of couples who have made it 30,40,50+ years makes me wonder HOW? Well, first of all, the times are a-changin' and it ain't always for the best. I wonder how many relationships would be better, and would be so much stronger if it weren't for today's technology. Granted, it is amazing, convenient, and what we have all grown accustomed to. But, think about it. Not texting, emailing, face booking anyone. EVER. -gasp-

That's the way the world was "way back when". A husband had his wife's undivided attention at the end of the night when the kids were in bed. A wife never felt inferior to some image on a screen. If you had a fight, and one of you left to "cool down", you couldn't continue the argument via words on a screen. You had to actually take the time to think about what happened, and how you were going to make it better. Now, I'm not blaming technology all together. I guess what I'm saying is that it makes it easier to have no self control.

But, ah-ha!! Can all of today's technology help you gain what you may have lost? If you are going through a particular situation, what do you do? In my case, I either google, or ask all my SIBS. (Sisters in Birth, it is a long story but they're amazing). One of two, most likely both scenarios can give you a different perspective, advice, or sometimes, support when you feel like you don't have it anywhere else.

Also, maybe today's high tech world can help more when it comes to a marriage having problems. You can type out all your feelings, things that are bothering you, and any other issues that you may be having with your spouse. The opposite half does the same. You exchange emails/blogs/IMs/texts and then get back to each other with a straight up, 100% honest answer to everything. Sounds doable, right? Probably not. Why's that?

Becauuuusssssseeee, things often get either taken out of context through a text message, or you aren't careful with your proofreading and next thing you know, you're sending that message you only meant to type out to actually see it in writing! It has the potential to hurt a lot more than help. Not to mention, some issues need to be discussed face to face. For sincerity, and some other hard-core mushy feelings.

Over all, we are stuck in today's world. I'll admit, I'm a sucker for my iPhone. This is what has become of this century. I'd like to attempt a pledge. To be more personal. Have face to face contact, send more packages and hand written letters... All of that great stuff that would have made someone like my Mimi proud.

So, goodbye 2013, and helllooooo 1964!!

Writer's block

I recently had to write an affidavit for a close friend of mine. She's going through a nasty custody battle. Something I hope and pray never happens to me. After I volunteered to do it, I started looking up examples, trying to get ideas on what to write. Each time I sat down to start it, I found myself deleting and rewriting paragraphs. Over, and over again. What the hell??

I've known this woman for 18 years. We use to make play-do hamburgers, and attempted our own salt and vinegar chip with her easy bake oven. We've always been a part of each other's lives, so I know her character. She is a good, patient, loving mother. But yet, I couldn't find the right words. Want to know how long it took me to write? (Y'know, cuz this is such an exciting blog post)

THREE DAYS! Three whole days for a measly four (small) paragraph letter. I did my best to  keep it formal, truthful, believable, and above all else, in her favor for custody. Writing it actually made me nervous. Like, heart palpitations, sweaty palms, short of breath - the whole works. I don't get it. I love writing!! I LOVE HER! She's my oldest, and one of my dearest friends. You'd think my ol' noggin would have typed that out in lightening speed! Nope. Three mother effing days!!

Hanging out with my kids inspires me, stupid cupcakes, my husband doing the dishes - blah, blah, blah. That shit? I can ramble on for forever. Not this. It bothers me at how much energy it took.
Ehh, it is done, and that is all that matters.

So now, I can get back to writing about the REAL important stuff.

For instance, I got to take a trip to the library all by myself today. WAAA-HOOOO!!! (I've never sounded MORE like a Mom!)
Best 45 minutes ever. Pure silence, getting lost in the isles of books and bookish smells. Oh, it was bliss.

More important posts to come : )

Mommy Maid

Since having my daughter, I've been toying with an idea. I'd like to become a personal assistant to new Mothers. They need that time to heal, and to bond with the new baby. To rest, and not worry about household chores, or the other child. If they are breastfeeding, it is nice to be able to just hang out in bed, and get use to being a human pacifier.

I had little to no help with either of my children. With baby K, I was in desperate need. I had her on Thursday, April 4th. My Mom came down that day to be with our older child so that my husband could be with me. I was released from the hospital on Saturday evening. Mom left Sunday morning, and my husband returned to work on Monday! Granted, Nick did come home and do his best to help. He cooked dinner and did the dishes, took care of Jman, and brought me anything I needed. For that, I will forever be grateful. 

During the day, I struggled. Big time. So much so, that it sent me in to a depression. I just felt like I couldn't get ANYTHING together. For those first few weeks, our son was acting out. Completely forgetting that he was potty trained, screaming mad, misbehaving, and generally just had a really bad attitude. That made it harder for me. I felt like I was constantly punishing him. No matter if we had a great coloring session that morning, or if I read him books for hours, at the end of the day, I felt like a terrible Mother. To both of them! I felt like I wasn't giving either of them the attention that they needed. Adding another child in the mix is an extreme balancing act. One that would be much easier for mothers, if they could get some help those first few weeks. Or at least...that is what I keep telling myself.

Before being discharged, our hospital requires you to take a "class". Basically you get brought into a room with your new baby, and a woman talks to you about the baby basics. She also gives tips on breastfeeding and helps you with any sort of problem you may be having. During this class (I swear I'll never forget this woman) she said that in some cultures, the women have 40 days and 40 nights. LMAO, right?!! Those days, she is to be pampered, and her one and only responsibility is to bond with her new baby. She said that people in America just don't value what women go through during pregnancy and child birth. We all think that women should just bounce back. I'm guilty of it myself. I tried to do too much too soon. 

I'd like to start some sort of program. I'm not sure what to call it, or how to execute it. My plan is to somehow network with some hospitals, and get signed up to help women who don't have any family around. I'll bring them food, clean their houses, let them take naps, take care of the other kids. Basically make it to where all the new mommy has to worry about is what hour to nap. PLUS- I'd get to snuggle a newborn!! How amazing would that be?? I would have gladly paid someone to come in and help me for a few weeks.

I'm going to stick with this plan, and hopefully, I will find the right resources to get there. I've said it here before, and I thoroughly, 110% agree... It takes a village to raise a child!

Clearing the cobwebs

From my blog that is...


So, nearly FOUR months without an entry! Well, there is just no excuse for this mess.
Back on the grind. The following will contain random updates, things I've learned and probably a few lame jokes.

• The last week of May I took a trip with my kids back to SC. My baby sister graduated high school (tear), I spent quality and valuable time with loved ones. Two weeks turned into three before we even knew it. Man, it was nice being back in the country. The fresh air, farm animals, open fields everywhere. Honestly didn't realize how much I missed it. That being said, after three weeks of bouncing around to different family member's homes, I was eager to get back to my own! We came back home on Father's Day, and it was probably the best reunion ever. I hope I'm never gone from my husband for that long again.
• Family time is vital and important. Especially after you've just had a baby
• Jman and I have become addicted to the library. I can't get him to say it correctly for the life of me. I can only hope that he still isn't saying "lie-berry" in high school. Which brings me to my next bit of randomness.
• If it is nowhere near holiday time, do NOT watch Christmas movies with your three year old. It is August, and dude man won't stop telling everyone Merry Christmas.
• I've jumped on the eating right/exercising bandwagon. Well, I had a few days here and there where I slacked, but overall I'm on track. My endurance has proven to be a struggle. But, hey, what's that saying? Something like.."you're still lapping everyone who is on the couch".
• I've recently taken up a weekend job at a previous place of employment. I'm actually thrilled about this. I love the people there and who doesn't love extra money?! Plus, it gives me the chance to interact with other adults on a weekly basis!! (If you don't get why that is exciting, you probably aren't a parent.)

There are probably a hundred things that have happened, that would've inspired a great piece, but I'm just drawing a blank. My days all blend together. I should really look into getting a notebook. That way when I'm trying to maneuver those huge race-cart shopping buggies through Publix and I nearly slam into an old lady...I can write it down to blog about later. I'll go into depth about how it was near the bananas and probably drift off into talking about how damn expensive produce gets.

Or maybe, like my husband says, I'll start actually taking advantage of today's technology. Call me old fashioned, but I just like writing stuff down. (says the girl who loves to blog)